bits and bants vol. 39
don't let the kids' behaviour be the enemy of the good
Coming at you straight from my sickbed after eating an omelette in hopes that I can string together coherent sentences! For some reason only known to our Lord, I am still sick going into my fourth straight week. I’ve done everything right, I am on a very healthy kick, I take all the vitamins, I’ve consulted various professionals, and still I have sinusitis and feel generally miserable. I am sure it’s due in part to having an insane fall where I wore myself down, but I hardly ever get sick and am thus a terrible sick person! I complain and moan and complain again. I am suffering with no dignity or grace. I say aloud multiple times per day to the entire household that I will probably never recover. I am painfully dramatic over a head cold. I’m the worst.
But time, children’s activities for which they are dependent upon my transportation, and meals march ever onwards and I’m mostly keeping up on things. Just with the lowest of energy levels. Which means I’m coming at Advent with the lowest of energy levels. I really wanted to try to get to daily Mass once a week, but haven’t been able to. The decorating is happening very slowly and feels all a muddle anyway because new house makes me feel unsure of how I should be decorating for Christmas. And honestly, we all need a couple thousand to throw at artificial garland that looks real. How’s your artificial garland budget this year?
The feast of Saint Nicholas happened here this morning, and this was probably the first year that certain teenagers verbally expressed being too old for it which was bound to happen sooner or later. But you just keep soldiering on! Seriously, parenting teenagers is very similar to toddlers in that you just have to ignore their outbursts and tantrums and continue to show them the right thing over and over even if they complain again and again. Or at least that’s my theory and operating strategy right now. I may be totally wrong, but I think capitulating to the ever vacillating moods and hormones of teenagers is basically the road to perdition.
Traditions matter! Even if they aren’t received with the same enthusiasm they once were as young children, I think that they will appreciate these memories from when they were teenagers. At the very least, I will. I honestly have so few years left of milking these traditions with kids at home that I start to feel a panic attack approaching, so I have to suck up these traditions! We have to always be vigilant towards how we actually want to mother, and sometimes that means we do the traditions amid teenage moans. Don’t you find during this highly nostalgic season that we do remember the happy memories, but I think we also remember the many holidays where we never got any sleep because of sick kids, felt exhausted by thinking and purchasing all the gifts, the bad toddler behaviour at Mass, or missing Mass years on end because of sick kids, kids melting down before Christmas dinner even happened, or promptly upon arrival at grandparents houses. Memories aren’t perfect, the traditions aren’t perfect and that’s ok. It’s more than ok, it’s good and real. Some of us, I think, are so much better at keeping optimistic outlooks when things go sideways at the holidays, for putting a good spin on things for family or instagram, and that’s ok. And there are some of us who are fresh out of patience and need our good cheer topped up with an extra shot of bourbon and that’s good too. There shouldn’t be an irrational expectation of constant rush of happy feelings for an entire season.
I don’t me to drone on—long story not so long; don’t be dependent on your kids moods/behaviour/health to dictate how the holidays go. It’s the same no matter their age. There is so much goodness in being together, celebrating traditions together, waiting for Jesus together, but it also won’t feel and look perfect all the time, every time.
bits:
I have been remiss in sharing two of my favourite things to come out of the Catholic Imagination conference at Notre Dame last month. Rachel Sherlock’s lovely exposition of The End of the Affair alongside The Once and Future King is such an interesting listen. And as a superfan of both
and Willa Cather I really enjoyed Amy’s look at Cather’s Catholic imagination. I agree that there does always feel like an internal wall within Cather’s characters that Amy pinpoints excellently. I knew others who presented at the conference who I would have loved to hear as well, so I need to check if that Youtube page has been updated.Louise Perry’s article in First Things this month is really a must read, I find Perry is so good at writing succinctly about foundational issues.
Another favourite-
and an excellent look at the modern political predicament most of us western countries are in. She writes particularly about Britain’s current state, but I think this is the best summation of what politics looks like in Canada as well.
reading, watching, what have you:
I am so behind on book reviews it’s almost too deep at this point. I’m also behind on my quick instagram reviews because I’ve been so awful to listen to for the past month I didn’t want to bother. Hopefully I won’t perish from this cold and will one day be able to talk for more than thirty seconds!
I’m reading a review copy of The Mary Pages by Sally Read sent out from Word on Fire, and it may be the best written, delightfully weird spiritual book I’ve read all year. Not finished yet.
Not to bemoan me being sick again, (see, I’m the worst), but it has made a good amount of time for watching the latest “holiday” romance movies of the Hallmark genre. Being a Lindsay Lohan adherent I can safely say that her latest movie on Netflix is terrible, but also a must watch. I don’t even know the name of it, and frankly it doesn’t matter. Also a must watch: Hot Frosty. Yes indeed, Hot Frosty the Snowman who magically comes to life and falls in love with a woman who may never love again who then becomes a real boy at the end. Guys, nothing in this movie makes sense. Absolutely nothing. But you must watch it.
As an aside, I used to not be able to get through Hallmark Christmas movies without wanting to take an axe to furniture, but for some reason they’ve become enjoyable to watch with my daughters who seem to just enjoy watching to see how ridiculous they can be. We love yelling at the screen, laughing at the fake snow, and judging the Christmas decorations in every character’s house. There’s a lot of easy enjoyment and absolutely no thinking required and I’ve come to see a great way to destress in December. We won’t even talk about how they’ve been on cable channels since September here in Canada…
That’s it for me. I’m off to wallow/take more vitamins/go carolling because I signed up to lead carolling months ago, but I hope you all have a delightful weekend.
with Kleenex,
Christy
When I was a teenager and pretending not to care about any traditions I was REALLY SECRETLY disappointed when my parents would capitulate to my moods and just let things go. It made things feel unsteady and like they weren't so important after all. So STICK TO IT CHRISTY! They will thank you someday. And you're right -- whether you're dealing with angsty teens or melting down toddlers or the inevitable sicknesses, you just can't hang your hat on the magic of the season relying on any one (except God :) ). Toasting you with some eggnog as I watch another awful-but-can't-look-away-why-do-i-love-these Christmas movie xx
Good luck with the traditions! My brother (13 years younger than me) is particularly nostalgic about the family moments from when he was an eye-rolling teenager. We all have to hide our surprise and just roll with it!