notes from the homebound

a very upside-down encouragement to travel

I have been meaning to write for the past week about travel, and travelling, and of course, why you should come to Ireland with

Katie Marquette

and I, but the irony has been that I have been living a most homebound life.

Ten days ago my daughter had major surgery. We stayed in hospital with her for three more days and since she’s been home she’s needed help for most of her basic needs because of her limited mobility. Her recovery overall has been really amazing and I thank you all for your prayers, but even a great recovery considering the type and severity of surgery means that there is a period of time where she simply can’t do much on her own and is laid up.

I’ve been needed for most of her basic needs, and while my husband took time off he’s had to take over getting the four other kids everywhere they need to go, and me and my daughter have been effectively homebound. All very normal and expected following such a surgery. But it does make me feel a bit of fraud to be thinking of travel, let alone trying to promote an entire pilgrimage! I haven’t even left my house for over a week!

It was also such a blast to the newborn/postpartum stage of life where it really is impossible to leave the house. You’ve got a dependent who is incapable of so much, you need to rearrange your day around when they want to eat, and sleep is no longer even close to under your control. The feelings of helplessness are compounded by what feels like society’s disregard for what you’re doing. Nobody outside of my home cares that my days are given up! I’m accomplishing “nothing” being at the beck and call of another person!

The intense dissonance of a human being depending upon you for the very necessities of life while at the same time feeling as if you aren’t “getting anything done” and having zero outside recognition remains one of the most intense experiences of my life. I think as women we’d be denying an aspect of reality if part of our desire for recognition be it in an outside career or social media influence doesn’t come from this intense experience in our lives. How much of my own desires are influenced by this experience or at least my perception of it? I’m sure it would take me years to unpack.

And while we all know and say to how meaningful it is to spend time with our babies and children taking care of them, we often speak differently with our actions in the years after when we have fewer physical ties to them. While our children simply don’t need us to the same degrees physically, I know I catch myself balking at times when they are sick or saying things like, “thank goodness I can sleep through the night again!” In other words, my actions speak to that time of intense caregiving as somehow negative. It is also true that we all know that caring for our children demands so much of ourselves and comes with fleeting moments of gratification. The truth is that we are also not completely fulfilled in caring for others, even our own children, and that probably comes from a lack of perfect charity but also just being a normal human person who has myriad desires.

I have no great answers to these problems, mostly because I know I deal with them far from perfectly myself, but they have been brought back to the forefront of my mind while being back in the place of caregiver for someone incapacitated. There is so little acknowledgment made to those who are full time caregivers full stop. They’re not glamourized, they may be lauded and said to be inspiring, but not in a way in which we would envy them their days. Their “passion” isn’t one that is marketable, or one that screams “living the dream!” I know so many parents of children with special needs who work so diligently and lovingly for their children day in and day out, and all I could think all week in my very small amount of time spent caring for an invalid child was, “We don’t give special needs parents enough credit!” I know from three days in hospital that as good as a hospital can be, the nurses and staff can never replace the care and attention parents give their children.

I’m trying to bring all these threads together with the idea of travel and it's been challenging or else I would have written sooner. I guess part of me thinks that life in the home and just in the home, feels worlds away from what I consider the glamour and dream of travel. How can I talk to people about travel when I am very much the homebody country mouse of a stay at home mom? Why does the adventure of travel feel so far away from my daily life when in the year of our Lord 2024 I can buy a plane ticket in less than a minute through a small box I hold in my hand?

I hope these feelings are not just from an ingrained idea that I have subconsciously assumed into thinking that life at home and time spent “only” being a mom is not valuable or worthy of being seen. I don’t believe that! I obviously think that while this work and life can at times feels discouraging and far from rewarding, that I am making a huge difference in the life of my own children who have been placed in my responsibility. And of course, even if it doesn’t make a huge difference in their lives, or I screw up phenomenally, I simply believe that this is where God has called me right now.

But no where in taking care of others, in staying home with your kids, or in teaching them yourself, does it also say that you can’t travel or want to travel. These two things are in no way connected! And while it is supremely difficult to travel and leave your kids for ten days, it provides you with a completely unique chance to reinvigorate your own soul! Seeing new places, visiting and praying in sacred sites, getting to know new amazing people, and simply being able to go where you want without diaper bags or making sure it’ll appeal to a five year old are completely life giving aspects of travelling while being a mom! I know so many women are much better at attending retreats on a yearly basis, but I have to admit that I find it very hard to find the babysitting necessary for something that I just don’t look forward to. Travel on the other hand is worth all the effort it takes to go away from home!

This is a very upside down promotion, but I do hope that if you’re a stay at home mom who may be doubting whether a trip of this nature is worth it for you, I want you to consider carefully that you aren’t just assuming it’s not for you because you’re too busy, or not able to leave, or the worst of all—don’t deserve a trip for yourself! It can be hard to imagine being somewhere you’ve never been before when you are knee deep in cleaning soggy cheerios off the floor. It’s hard for me to imagine and I’m already signed up for this trip!

For all the details, check out the brochure.

Here’s

Katie Marquette

and I in a little video we did talking about what the trip will be like if you want to hear more!

And between February 14-21 Select is running a deal for $300 off if you sign up with someone else! So it could be your husband, your best friend, your sister, your mother, your daughter, your mid level acquaintance but this is a good deal! Even if you’re on the fence, just signing up during this deal is worth it because Select doesn’t run many of these sales. And if you’d like to be matched with another traveller to take advantage of the deal, just email us and we can try to hook you up!