Don't get me wrong, I am sympathetic to y'all in colder climates who enjoy summer, but it's been 95* F for like 3 months...and 90% humidity... I'm ready for the temps to get in a more manageable state so I can be outside without sweating instantly! <3
The Ploughing piece is rightly challenging, but I agree with one of the commenters that it misses the mark a bit. I’m in the thick of all my kids being baby/toddler age (not to mention aging relatives also beginning to demand more of our resources), and it’s easy for others to underestimate the sheer level of effort required to get everyone’s basic needs met and also sustain vital elements of enjoyable family life, like regular communal meals, and that’s *just* with immediate family. Achieving that requires saying no to most, if not all, community & parish activities, at least for a time. It’s those boundaries that are sustaining our family life right now. My husband & I are frequently confounded by the common laments of people mourning the decline of church sodalities, Knights of Columbus events, etc., but we honestly think that in the past people actually were spending more time on those “community” things at the expense of basic family time. The numbers just do not add up!
I read the piece less applying to general relationships/social settings, and more applying to close or intimate relationships. I agree with you that human beings simply don't have adequate bandwidth for a million activities and knowing hundreds of people, however, I do think that clubs that actually met in person were probably a lot more possible because people expended less emotional energy on the one sided relationships of social media. But I've had several people in my life, be it very close friends or family members use the line of boundaries to completely cut me out of their life because they simply felt they couldn't fit me in. That's not how family or real community works. We're an isolated and starved for connection society but we also don't want to put the work in that important relationships require. There will always be seasons of our lives where it is difficult to give any extra time to friends or family because of specific vocational duties, but that doesn't mean we emotionally detach from these people, it means we have to communicate better that our time and energy is in short supply. There are ebbs and flows of all types of relationships in life for all types of reasons which is normal and natural, but saying no to people, cutting people off emotionally because of so-called boundaries isn't a good thing. I, of course, also think that there are plenty of good and necessary reasons to create real boundaries and cut people out of our lives as well, but again, that's not the majority of relationships. I found the piece speaking to this general therapy speak culture that our society has gravitated towards that makes it seem that any relationship that requires extra time or effort on our part can easily be cast aside if the mood strikes.
I’m also in this stage, and it’s so hard to be generous and helpful outside of your family when you’re at your wit’s end much of the time already. I say no to so many things. But I really liked the Plough piece. Boundaries are great, but only in the context of *duties,* which, to a large degree, are not chosen. The dominant societal view that you have to consent to duty leaves no room for people to need you, interrupt you, or interfere with your life. Combining arbitrary moral obligations and boundary setting is a recipe for disaster. (Sorry, man who was beaten by robbers and left for dead in a ditch! I didn’t ask for you to be here, and I have to get to Jerusalem, so I’m setting a boundary with you that I can’t stop to help you.) (Sorry, mom whose toddler is running into the grocery store parking lot! I didn’t choose for you to have kids, so this seems like a you problem.) You have to set boundaries so that you can fulfill obligations of family and friendship, and be willing to be thrown off by a sudden need. Unfortunately, that’s not the trendy way to set boundaries haha.
P.S. Early Morning Riser by Katherine Heiny is a good novel that will make you think about this
It’s almost impossible to not pre-mourn summer ending when you live somewhere cloudy and dark and cold 🥴. BUT I figured out that I could turn my shed into a greenhouse for like $500, and that would cheer me up so much. Now I just have to figure out where I put that convenient $500 I had laying around....
Yes to the $500 greenhouse! That sounds dreamy! I hope the money falls from the sky soon so you can do it!
We live on my parents ranch that is several thousands of acres, but the yard itself is probably close to 5. I have no shortage of space which is partly my problem when it comes to buying seeds, bulbs, corms, tubers...
I promise to allow you to pine for summer during winter if you allow me to pine for winter during summer 😅 no, no fair point about actually living in the season we're in. (I may or may not have bought pumpkin beer today though..)
I also love Larry chapp and per our discussion of podcasting being a great opportunity to just talk to people, I interviewed him this week. He's just as direct and smart as he writes!
Haha, I will never judge you for wanting the heat away! Because I can't stand our five days a year of 90 degrees! But it does feel like everyone lives as if they're working in retail. We're never just living in the season, we're always looking ahead and wanting some illusion just in front of us instead of living in the good and not good of the right now. I raise my hand as totally succumbing to this often!
Oh, I'm so excited you're having him on! I can't wait to listen!
Oh, yes, yes, yes to The Bear and to Only Murders in the Building. Two of my favorites, both so good. I haven't seen Oppenheimer yet, but hope to go next week with my husband. I saw Barbie for the second time last night with two of my daughters and I love it so much. I have so much to say about it, but no time to write lately. Alas. I need more bandwidth! ;)
Don't get me wrong, I am sympathetic to y'all in colder climates who enjoy summer, but it's been 95* F for like 3 months...and 90% humidity... I'm ready for the temps to get in a more manageable state so I can be outside without sweating instantly! <3
It's not all about you, AMERICA! ;)
THE BEAR!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
I feel like it's the show that is some magical mix of goodness. I can't describe why it's so good, but it really is so. good.
The Ploughing piece is rightly challenging, but I agree with one of the commenters that it misses the mark a bit. I’m in the thick of all my kids being baby/toddler age (not to mention aging relatives also beginning to demand more of our resources), and it’s easy for others to underestimate the sheer level of effort required to get everyone’s basic needs met and also sustain vital elements of enjoyable family life, like regular communal meals, and that’s *just* with immediate family. Achieving that requires saying no to most, if not all, community & parish activities, at least for a time. It’s those boundaries that are sustaining our family life right now. My husband & I are frequently confounded by the common laments of people mourning the decline of church sodalities, Knights of Columbus events, etc., but we honestly think that in the past people actually were spending more time on those “community” things at the expense of basic family time. The numbers just do not add up!
I read the piece less applying to general relationships/social settings, and more applying to close or intimate relationships. I agree with you that human beings simply don't have adequate bandwidth for a million activities and knowing hundreds of people, however, I do think that clubs that actually met in person were probably a lot more possible because people expended less emotional energy on the one sided relationships of social media. But I've had several people in my life, be it very close friends or family members use the line of boundaries to completely cut me out of their life because they simply felt they couldn't fit me in. That's not how family or real community works. We're an isolated and starved for connection society but we also don't want to put the work in that important relationships require. There will always be seasons of our lives where it is difficult to give any extra time to friends or family because of specific vocational duties, but that doesn't mean we emotionally detach from these people, it means we have to communicate better that our time and energy is in short supply. There are ebbs and flows of all types of relationships in life for all types of reasons which is normal and natural, but saying no to people, cutting people off emotionally because of so-called boundaries isn't a good thing. I, of course, also think that there are plenty of good and necessary reasons to create real boundaries and cut people out of our lives as well, but again, that's not the majority of relationships. I found the piece speaking to this general therapy speak culture that our society has gravitated towards that makes it seem that any relationship that requires extra time or effort on our part can easily be cast aside if the mood strikes.
I’m also in this stage, and it’s so hard to be generous and helpful outside of your family when you’re at your wit’s end much of the time already. I say no to so many things. But I really liked the Plough piece. Boundaries are great, but only in the context of *duties,* which, to a large degree, are not chosen. The dominant societal view that you have to consent to duty leaves no room for people to need you, interrupt you, or interfere with your life. Combining arbitrary moral obligations and boundary setting is a recipe for disaster. (Sorry, man who was beaten by robbers and left for dead in a ditch! I didn’t ask for you to be here, and I have to get to Jerusalem, so I’m setting a boundary with you that I can’t stop to help you.) (Sorry, mom whose toddler is running into the grocery store parking lot! I didn’t choose for you to have kids, so this seems like a you problem.) You have to set boundaries so that you can fulfill obligations of family and friendship, and be willing to be thrown off by a sudden need. Unfortunately, that’s not the trendy way to set boundaries haha.
P.S. Early Morning Riser by Katherine Heiny is a good novel that will make you think about this
How much land do you have, Christy??
This was the summer I fell in love with gardening, and all your updates are making me starry eyed haha
It’s almost impossible to not pre-mourn summer ending when you live somewhere cloudy and dark and cold 🥴. BUT I figured out that I could turn my shed into a greenhouse for like $500, and that would cheer me up so much. Now I just have to figure out where I put that convenient $500 I had laying around....
Yes to the $500 greenhouse! That sounds dreamy! I hope the money falls from the sky soon so you can do it!
We live on my parents ranch that is several thousands of acres, but the yard itself is probably close to 5. I have no shortage of space which is partly my problem when it comes to buying seeds, bulbs, corms, tubers...
I promise to allow you to pine for summer during winter if you allow me to pine for winter during summer 😅 no, no fair point about actually living in the season we're in. (I may or may not have bought pumpkin beer today though..)
I also love Larry chapp and per our discussion of podcasting being a great opportunity to just talk to people, I interviewed him this week. He's just as direct and smart as he writes!
Haha, I will never judge you for wanting the heat away! Because I can't stand our five days a year of 90 degrees! But it does feel like everyone lives as if they're working in retail. We're never just living in the season, we're always looking ahead and wanting some illusion just in front of us instead of living in the good and not good of the right now. I raise my hand as totally succumbing to this often!
Oh, I'm so excited you're having him on! I can't wait to listen!
Oh, yes, yes, yes to The Bear and to Only Murders in the Building. Two of my favorites, both so good. I haven't seen Oppenheimer yet, but hope to go next week with my husband. I saw Barbie for the second time last night with two of my daughters and I love it so much. I have so much to say about it, but no time to write lately. Alas. I need more bandwidth! ;)