With the caveat that this only works with people you already know, my fallback small talk hack is always something that they told me before. You tell me at the PTA meeting that you managed to get Taylor Swift tickets for your daughter? When I see you on the sidelines of the soccer game a month later, I will ask you whether you liked the surprise songs. Did you bring a book to the playground? First of all, can I sit by you (the number of people who bring physical books anywhere is rapidly dwindling which means they are almost always My People) and second, what is it and next time I see you, did you like it? My five year old daughter has also picked up the "compliment opening" because I have heard her tell girls at the playground "I like your shoes" at least half a dozen times, and I chuckle to myself but you know what, it usually works!
That is such good advice because it shows that you care enough about a person to remember what they say! That's a huge deal I think! I always feel terrible when I realize that I have a friend or person I know who never asks me anything. Because it is the easiest way to show concern, and it doesn't matter the topic. I love what you're saying about books! I used to bring books to read while my kids were at a certain soccer league and literally no other parent talked to me. It was I was terrifying because I brought a physical book! I live in a very small town and I think it basically was a complete social miscue to do such a thing.
Books are so tough, socially. I often bring one but with the understanding that if I am holding a book no one will talk to me, I have to start the conversation. If the book is excellent and/or I'm feeling antisocial, this is usually a price I'm willing to pay! :-D
Ahh, I love when friends from various internet corners come together, Kristin Haakenson and I have had many a conversation about carved Hallowtide veggies ;)
And I feel like I need someone to discuss Beckham (aside from my husband) with. I was not prepared to feel such Mom-sympathy for him. In the 90s I way too far on the moody alternative side of culture to know much about Posh and Becks but they really won me over in the documentary.
Yay Hallowtide veggies! We should make our own seed catalogue and have that be an entire section!
I think it did a marvellous job making him relatable. He was very honest but also not a whiney victim which I appreciated, and I am now a big Gary Neville fan.
What I was surprised about was how I VIVIDLY remembered them dating and the pictures of them going out and I was a homeschooled 12 year old in a world without the internet?!? How did that happen!?
Aw, thanks so much for the kind shout-out, Christy - I'm all-for spreading kale-torches far and wide! I never knew about the custom until last year and was smitten immediately. Kale went up a few notches in my book at that point!
Also - small talk!! I'm SO glad to hear someone put words to all that, and so beautifully, too. My husband & I were talking about this recently...I'm an introvert for sure, but his point was that small talk is probably even *more* crucial for me, because those little daily interactions actually fill my socializing cup up more than they might for other folks. And either way, it's the bridge that has to be crossed before any deeper engagement can happen!
I showed my kids pictures of the kale-torches and they think I'm a bit crazy, but I'm now fully committed to making them happen next year! Actually, would you mind sharing your fave varieties? I'm a bit of a seed fanatic.
I think it is probably more crucial than I treat it for sure. But I want deeper conversation than just the surface small level conversations which makes me not want to even bother with the surface level, which then leads me to the problem of never talking to anyone and getting to those deeper conversations! I need to realize I'm my own worst enemy sometimes.
Ahhhh you just wrote my interior monologue! I'm consistently my own worst enemy. I get totally stuck in that loop all the time. Some people make it look so effortless, but for me it takes a lot of juice to make it happen! And then I get blase about it because, like you said, I want to skip the small stuff and get right to the meat & potatoes. But...that's just now how life works. I wonder how old I'll have to be before I can really get the hang of that haha.
Yay for seed fanaticism and the plotting of kale torch goodness! Haha our poor kids. Mine put up with so much. Fave kale varieties for your future brassica forest: red kale (Scarlet variety), curlyl kale (Winterbor), White Russian & Red Russian. Scarlet is open-pollinated, I think the rest are hybrids?
I like small talk! I credit my parents because they would always take us around visiting older friends and relatives who didn’t have many interests in common with us kids. My mother is also a great conversationalist, even though she is an introvert. I love talking about the weather, plants, and seasons and that leads to nostalgia and past experiences to share. Sometimes it’s hard to think of something to say, but I think that goes for everyone.
Haha, some homeschool circles can be brutal! And I'm sure it's just introversion, and more than likely, their much higher IQs than mine...but yeah...tough sledding sometimes!
Love this. We need small talk! I recently had surgery and because I discussed it openly I found out that SO many women I knew had also had this surgery, but they hadn't discussed it because they thought it was too awkward to talk about. (Does this make me the awkward person? Probably. Do I care? Not nearly as much as I should, apparently.) Anyway, I bring that up to illustrate that I think a lot of women/moms bottle up the things that are really going on in their lives, the things that they're really trying to sort out, because they're afraid to be "too much" or to get canceled for having the wrong opinion. I mean, not to get too dire, but the breakdown of society means we don't trust the people we're in community with to care for us. It's a dying art to share just the right amount to create trust and comfort.
I was recently in conversation with another mom who I see irregularly at our kids events, and she told me her mother had just died. And I would not have known that unless she told me directly, and I so appreciated it. I hope I at least gave her some comfort in the fact that she was under a lot of stress at the beginning of a school year, she didn't need to be cheerful. I think it's hard because we're so unfamiliar with having conversations about tough stuff like, surgeries and health and death that we don't think it's something for "small talk" but probably can be brought up much more naturally than we think.
PLEASE can we have a Christy & Haley reunion to discuss the strike novels in the context of defective fiction as christian literature?
I also want your full review on this one. For me, a little more child abuse than strictly necessary. But Lord do I respect her for dragging out this romance. It also made me want to read all the books she referenced on cults and brainwashing - but I went down a fundamentalist Mormon rabbit hole a few years ago (big love, under the banner of heaven, all those terrible Netflix documentaries and reality shows, a whole class in law school on how the Supreme Court loves the Amish and hates the Mormons…) and am still having nightmares
I think the Strike novels don't fit perfectly into classic detective fiction, I think she definitely combines the noir/American sleuth with classic mystery. I don't even know if I would say the novels structure is even very mystery dependent because so much of the time is spent on characters and dialogue, but I'd have to think about it more.
I will post a longer review one day, but wow can she drag out a romance! Literally, thousands of pages worth! I also admire it, because it actually doesn't become too infuriating, just infuriating enough. And I love how she ended this one, perfect for those of us dying in the romance department!
As I was reading I was actually constantly preparing myself for more child abuse, so I actually think she used it fairly judiciously. These books just always deal in heavy subject matter. I honestly had to stop at points because I was so anxious for Robin! And I just saw so many ways things could go badly. Rowling is soooo good at creating tension in so many different directions that you're so worried about where things could go, that you don't dwell on the actual evidence or plot points. I have watched ALL the cult documentaries and listened to too many Charles Manson podcasts. That law school class sounds kinda fun though!
With the caveat that this only works with people you already know, my fallback small talk hack is always something that they told me before. You tell me at the PTA meeting that you managed to get Taylor Swift tickets for your daughter? When I see you on the sidelines of the soccer game a month later, I will ask you whether you liked the surprise songs. Did you bring a book to the playground? First of all, can I sit by you (the number of people who bring physical books anywhere is rapidly dwindling which means they are almost always My People) and second, what is it and next time I see you, did you like it? My five year old daughter has also picked up the "compliment opening" because I have heard her tell girls at the playground "I like your shoes" at least half a dozen times, and I chuckle to myself but you know what, it usually works!
That is such good advice because it shows that you care enough about a person to remember what they say! That's a huge deal I think! I always feel terrible when I realize that I have a friend or person I know who never asks me anything. Because it is the easiest way to show concern, and it doesn't matter the topic. I love what you're saying about books! I used to bring books to read while my kids were at a certain soccer league and literally no other parent talked to me. It was I was terrifying because I brought a physical book! I live in a very small town and I think it basically was a complete social miscue to do such a thing.
Books are so tough, socially. I often bring one but with the understanding that if I am holding a book no one will talk to me, I have to start the conversation. If the book is excellent and/or I'm feeling antisocial, this is usually a price I'm willing to pay! :-D
Ahh, I love when friends from various internet corners come together, Kristin Haakenson and I have had many a conversation about carved Hallowtide veggies ;)
And I feel like I need someone to discuss Beckham (aside from my husband) with. I was not prepared to feel such Mom-sympathy for him. In the 90s I way too far on the moody alternative side of culture to know much about Posh and Becks but they really won me over in the documentary.
Yay Hallowtide veggies! We should make our own seed catalogue and have that be an entire section!
I think it did a marvellous job making him relatable. He was very honest but also not a whiney victim which I appreciated, and I am now a big Gary Neville fan.
It’s so cool to see comments again between writers I like, just like back in the blogging days!
Alright ladies, is it time to start a Hallowtide veggie/Beckham discussion group? I'm here for it!
Obviously these two things go together!
What I was surprised about was how I VIVIDLY remembered them dating and the pictures of them going out and I was a homeschooled 12 year old in a world without the internet?!? How did that happen!?
My 3 year old regularly prays for Frank Sinatra! Haha
Hahaha, this is precious!!
Aw, thanks so much for the kind shout-out, Christy - I'm all-for spreading kale-torches far and wide! I never knew about the custom until last year and was smitten immediately. Kale went up a few notches in my book at that point!
Also - small talk!! I'm SO glad to hear someone put words to all that, and so beautifully, too. My husband & I were talking about this recently...I'm an introvert for sure, but his point was that small talk is probably even *more* crucial for me, because those little daily interactions actually fill my socializing cup up more than they might for other folks. And either way, it's the bridge that has to be crossed before any deeper engagement can happen!
I showed my kids pictures of the kale-torches and they think I'm a bit crazy, but I'm now fully committed to making them happen next year! Actually, would you mind sharing your fave varieties? I'm a bit of a seed fanatic.
I think it is probably more crucial than I treat it for sure. But I want deeper conversation than just the surface small level conversations which makes me not want to even bother with the surface level, which then leads me to the problem of never talking to anyone and getting to those deeper conversations! I need to realize I'm my own worst enemy sometimes.
Ahhhh you just wrote my interior monologue! I'm consistently my own worst enemy. I get totally stuck in that loop all the time. Some people make it look so effortless, but for me it takes a lot of juice to make it happen! And then I get blase about it because, like you said, I want to skip the small stuff and get right to the meat & potatoes. But...that's just now how life works. I wonder how old I'll have to be before I can really get the hang of that haha.
Yay for seed fanaticism and the plotting of kale torch goodness! Haha our poor kids. Mine put up with so much. Fave kale varieties for your future brassica forest: red kale (Scarlet variety), curlyl kale (Winterbor), White Russian & Red Russian. Scarlet is open-pollinated, I think the rest are hybrids?
I like small talk! I credit my parents because they would always take us around visiting older friends and relatives who didn’t have many interests in common with us kids. My mother is also a great conversationalist, even though she is an introvert. I love talking about the weather, plants, and seasons and that leads to nostalgia and past experiences to share. Sometimes it’s hard to think of something to say, but I think that goes for everyone.
Small talk is so difficult. I esp find homeschool moms closed off in this department. I think because we’re such introverts at heart.
I tend to ask people what they’re reading lately, or what their kids are studying for a specific subject. Sometimes that leads to larger conversation.
Haha, some homeschool circles can be brutal! And I'm sure it's just introversion, and more than likely, their much higher IQs than mine...but yeah...tough sledding sometimes!
Love this. We need small talk! I recently had surgery and because I discussed it openly I found out that SO many women I knew had also had this surgery, but they hadn't discussed it because they thought it was too awkward to talk about. (Does this make me the awkward person? Probably. Do I care? Not nearly as much as I should, apparently.) Anyway, I bring that up to illustrate that I think a lot of women/moms bottle up the things that are really going on in their lives, the things that they're really trying to sort out, because they're afraid to be "too much" or to get canceled for having the wrong opinion. I mean, not to get too dire, but the breakdown of society means we don't trust the people we're in community with to care for us. It's a dying art to share just the right amount to create trust and comfort.
I was recently in conversation with another mom who I see irregularly at our kids events, and she told me her mother had just died. And I would not have known that unless she told me directly, and I so appreciated it. I hope I at least gave her some comfort in the fact that she was under a lot of stress at the beginning of a school year, she didn't need to be cheerful. I think it's hard because we're so unfamiliar with having conversations about tough stuff like, surgeries and health and death that we don't think it's something for "small talk" but probably can be brought up much more naturally than we think.
These thoughts of yours remind me of this piece in Plough a while back!
https://www.plough.com/en/topics/life/relationships/small-talk-is-not-small
Ah! I remember this now that I reread it! Yes! This is much more intelligently put into words than what I said!
PLEASE can we have a Christy & Haley reunion to discuss the strike novels in the context of defective fiction as christian literature?
I also want your full review on this one. For me, a little more child abuse than strictly necessary. But Lord do I respect her for dragging out this romance. It also made me want to read all the books she referenced on cults and brainwashing - but I went down a fundamentalist Mormon rabbit hole a few years ago (big love, under the banner of heaven, all those terrible Netflix documentaries and reality shows, a whole class in law school on how the Supreme Court loves the Amish and hates the Mormons…) and am still having nightmares
I think the Strike novels don't fit perfectly into classic detective fiction, I think she definitely combines the noir/American sleuth with classic mystery. I don't even know if I would say the novels structure is even very mystery dependent because so much of the time is spent on characters and dialogue, but I'd have to think about it more.
I will post a longer review one day, but wow can she drag out a romance! Literally, thousands of pages worth! I also admire it, because it actually doesn't become too infuriating, just infuriating enough. And I love how she ended this one, perfect for those of us dying in the romance department!
As I was reading I was actually constantly preparing myself for more child abuse, so I actually think she used it fairly judiciously. These books just always deal in heavy subject matter. I honestly had to stop at points because I was so anxious for Robin! And I just saw so many ways things could go badly. Rowling is soooo good at creating tension in so many different directions that you're so worried about where things could go, that you don't dwell on the actual evidence or plot points. I have watched ALL the cult documentaries and listened to too many Charles Manson podcasts. That law school class sounds kinda fun though!